A Kindly, Cottonwood Blog Post
September In-House Expert Edition
In homeschooling, we talk a lot about curriculum, pacing, and learning styles, but sometimes the biggest challenges aren’t academic at all. They look and sound more like:
- “They can’t remember what I just said.”
- “She starts strong and then just… stops.”
- “He gets overwhelmed by the smallest task.”
- “Why does it take us 45 minutes just to begin?”
What you’re seeing might not be defiance or disinterest. It might be executive function at work.
What Is Executive Function?
Executive functioning is like the brain’s management system, helping us plan, focus, follow directions, regulate emotions, and complete tasks. Our school psychologists and mental health therapists put it simply,
“Think of it as the brain’s ‘control center’ or ‘air traffic control system’ that keeps everything running smoothly.”
And like most complex systems, it develops over time. These skills aren’t fully in place at age 6, 10, or even 15, and for many children, especially those who are neurodivergent, may take longer to develop executive function in noticeable ways.
How Executive Function Shows Up as Kids Develop
As children grow, the ability to organize, plan, remember instructions, and manage emotions unfolds step by step. In a homeschool setting, it may be easy to miss or misunderstand the signs of a developing executive function, which can include:
- Constant forgetfulness (even for things they know)
- Difficulty starting or completing tasks
- Trouble organizing materials or remembering steps
- Meltdowns or avoidance when overwhelmed
- Distraction or zoning out during lessons
- Emotional outbursts that seem out of proportion
These aren’t behavior problems; they’re signs that your child’s executive function skills are still developing and need support, not punishment.
“Children with executive function challenges may seem forgetful, distracted, disorganized, or frustrated—not due to lack of effort, but because their brains need support in developing these skills.”
A Personal Note
I’ve experienced this in my own homeschool journey. One of my sons, bright, curious, and capable, hit a wall this time last year. He wasn’t just resistant to schoolwork; he was shutting down completely. Every day felt like a battle, and his words cut straight through me: “I can’t do it. I’m so behind.”
At first, I tried to help him “catch up.” I adjusted lessons, simplified instructions, and gave extra reminders. However, I soon realized the core issue wasn’t the work itself but his executive function struggles. Tasks felt like an insurmountable mountain with no clear path, preventing him from even starting.
It took me stepping back and reaching out to make the shift. I connected with our amazing HST and school counselor, who helped me reframe what I was seeing. With their guidance, I finally had the language and tools to help him. I had tools. I had support. I had hope. Instead of focusing on catching up, we shifted our focus to building the essential skills he was still developing.
What You Can Do at Home
Executive function skills can be taught and strengthened. Here are some simple ways to start:
- Create a consistent daily routine with built-in learning blocks and breaks
- Use visual schedules or checklists to support memory and task flow
- Break large tasks into small, manageable steps
- Provide gentle cues for transitions and follow-through
- Celebrate small wins—each success builds confidence and stamina.
“Executive functioning and self-regulation are skills that develop over time and need to be explicitly taught, especially in younger children.”
The Cottonwood Advantage
As Cottonwood families, we see our children’s needs and brilliance up close, and we don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. We are partners in this journey dedicated to helping families help their students with compassion and practical strategies that truly work.
Whether your child struggles to initiate tasks, keep track of materials, or regulate emotions, remember this: executive function isn’t a fixed goal to attain. It’s a set of skills to be taught, practiced, and grown over time.
We know that you are your child’s greatest asset, and we want you to know that you have a team behind you.
Kindly,
Cottonwood – Kara Parkins, Parent Support Supervisor
This post was created in collaboration with Cottonwood’s Therapy & Psychology Team:
Deborah Johnson, School Psychologist • Sydney Day, School Psychologist • Taylor Pierce, School Psychologist • Sara Fernandez, School Psychologist/Assessment Facilitator • Naomi David, Mental Health Therapist
With leadership and support from Jenna Lee, Assistant Director of Special Education – Assessments and Services
Personal story and reflections provided by Kara Parkins, Parent Support Supervisor.
Want to Learn More?
Download this fantastic chart showing the normal developmental milestones for executive functioning and self-regulation from infancy through adolescence: Normal Development of Executive Functioning and Self-Regulation Skills (PDF)
Explore this helpful breakdown of executive functioning skills by age with examples and explanations: Your Kid’s Table: Executive Functioning Skills by Age
Curious about what EF looks like in real life? Read about a day in the life of a child with executive function challenges in this interactive article published by Understood.org.