When my boys were in kindergarten, one of them was seemingly “behind” the other academically. He was doing just fine, but not learning as quickly as his brother. As a teacher and a mom, I worried. And worried. And worried. One day, I brought it up to his lovely kindergarten teacher, who told me she was not worried at all. She said “I know it’s hard not to compare them because they are twins. But I’m not worried at all. He’s just ‘Ruby in Her Own Time.” I did not get the reference, so she told me to get the book. I’m so glad I did.
In the story, Father Duck worries about Ruby. She is the last of the eggs to crack open. Once she has hatched, she proceeds to learn all the ducky things (swimming, eating, etc.) at her own pace, and slower than that of the other ducklings. Father Duck frets and frets, and asks Mother Duck over and over, “Will she ever____?” Mother Duck always assures him, “She will. In her own time.” Sure enough, when it comes time to spread their wings and fly, Ruby flies higher and farther than any of her brother and sister ducklings. It’s a beautiful story of how children develop at their own pace and have their own strengths. It is also a moving reminder of how we as parents and teachers would be wise to give our children the time and space they need to develop…. in their own time.
If you are homeschooling more than one child, you may have noticed by now that they don’t all learn the same way or respond to the same curriculum, activities, etc. What worked for your oldest two children may not work for your youngest. While this can be frustrating, and you may find yourself thinking “WHY isn’t this working?!!” You aren’t doing anything wrong, and there is nothing “wrong” with your child. Every child is unique, and it’s not just okay—it’s necessary—to parent and school them differently. I have found this to be so true of my own two children, and they are twins!
While one child might thrive with structured routines, another might need a more flexible approach. While one might memorize math algorithms easily, the other might require multiple repetitions and the use of manipulatives. By tailoring your parenting strategies to each child’s needs, you demonstrate respect for their individuality and create an environment where they can thrive.
Here are some tips for embracing individualized parenting and schooling:
- Get to Know Each Child’s Personality: While it can be difficult to find the time, spending one-on-one time with each child to understand their preferences, fears, and motivations is crucial. Even if you can carve out just ten minutes a week for each child, spend some one-on-one time with just them, no phones or electronics, engaging together.
- Be Flexible: Adjust your expectations and strategies based on what works best for each child, rather than applying a blanket approach. While it can be very frustrating that they don’t all respond the same way to the same activities or curriculum, it is worth it in the long run to individualize your approach as needed.
- Balance Fairness and Equity: Fair doesn’t always mean equal. Give each child what they need to succeed, even if it looks different for each one. For example, one might love to read while the other might really not enjoy it. For that child, try audiobooks while they do their chores, or have them follow along with the print version of the book while they listen. They’ll still be getting the content, listening to great stories and having fluent reading skills modeled for them as they listen. You can still discuss the content, do comprehension activities and book projects, even though they didn’t read it completely independently.
- Communicate Openly: Talk to your children about why you may handle situations differently based on their unique needs, fostering understanding and reducing sibling comparisons.
As my son’s kindergarten teacher and the book “Ruby in Her Own Time” taught me, there is no singular “right” timeline or path to success. By recognizing the individuality of each child, we can help them flourish in ways that align with their authentic selves. Whether your child is a budding scientist, a future novelist, or a compassionate caregiver, their unique blend of strengths and interests is their superpower—and it’s worth nurturing every step of the way.
Michelle Garner, Assistant Director of Student Support